This time last year I was in the throes of exam, counting down to my final semester while looking forward to the start of my extended vacation. Needless to say, I experienced high levels of stress. During the time, I also had to complete my final assessment piece for my Organizational Development course, for which I would later receive an award so there was a silver lining but at the time I felt very tired and stressed.
It was the same month that President Obama visited our island but I wasn’t one of the chosen few who met him. It was a historic moment! There was much pomp and flattery over the two days he visited and who can forget the excitement about the newly paved roads! I am not in a position to comment on any positive outcomes from that visit but at least I have a story to share.
It was about this time that same month that my boyfriend obtained his driver’s licence and I promised myself that I do the same in the ensuing months. I didn’t of course. Nothing new there.
Similar to last April, I’m feeling extremely tired right now but not because of exams or assignments. I’m tired of the monotony that is my life. I am 28 and already living a life of regret and I’m not doing, nor have I done anything that I need to regret. I am not a risk taker however so fear holds me back and I continue to let it. One of those self-destructive behaviours I talked about.
I was recently reminded that I live a relatively unencumbered life so there’s no reason for me to put off or fear doing anything in life, like move 8000 miles away for instance. In that moment, I made a choice but the moment I got back to my desk, I start to think,
“maybe now is not a good time”
“what if this happens to me while I’m there”
“will I be able to support myself”
All valid questions I think but how will I know if I don’t try anything? Everybody has fears, don’t they? Albeit, some more extreme than others but fear nonetheless. I just need to have a little faith. Even if something bad happens, at least I would have tried and learnt something.