adj. destroying or causing harm to oneself
Have you ever considered that one of your behaviors or habits was causing you harm? Well, I’ve come to realize that I am somewhat damaging myself with my thoughts and it is manifesting all over my body because I have got aches and pains all over that cannot be explained. What’s up with that?
I’ve often described myself as being my own worst critic thinking that this was a good thing because it helped me to be and do better at certain things. Now that I think about it, constantly criticizing myself and harboring negative thoughts are doing me more harm than good and I don’t want to be that person.
As it is, I’m not a glass half full, see the world through different eyes, naturally optimistic kind of person… but I would like to be. Anything is better than here. The funny thing is I’ve seen myself be that way for other persons, encouraging and being some sort of motivation for them but I’m not good at doing those things for myself.
I just need to stop. Nobody wants to be around a sad, unhappy, suck the life out of the party, walk on eggshells all day kind of person, which I fear is what I’m turning into. Today, I am making a promise to rid myself of all my “bad” self destructive behaviors and habits.
- I hate my life. I’ll try to be thankful for life and seek ways to enrich it
- I can’t do this or that. I’ll step out of my comfort zone, find the confidence I know I possess and just do or go for whatever it is
- Why do I have to be or did I do something so stupid? Accept that it happened or I said it and move forward. Stop dwelling and mulling it over and over again, it will get me nowhere
- Am I making this person happy? I never thought of myself as a people pleaser but it would seem that I am, always trying to help, be nice, don’t say no, don’t piss them off, afraid to express displeasure, don’t criticize, and on and on. How about I make my damn self happy? Please my damn self, eh. How about that?
- What’s wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with me. I am human as are they. I make mistakes as do they. Why let their opinions matter? If it’s constructive, that’s fine, otherwise, how about I tell them to kiss my ass? Ok, that’s so not the answer, how about I assert myself or ignore them and live life.
- Walking with my head down. I’ll hold my head high knowing I have the right to be here just like anyone else.
- Being meek and mild and passive. I’ll do what an extrovert would do; be bold, be expressive, be proud…
- Holding on to past hurts, hate and anger. I’ll try letting go and start anew.
Self-Preservation: the protection of oneself from harm or death
Seems fitting…because essentially that’s what I’m doing…Trying to reconstruct my thought my process to live a better life. Over the next few days and weeks, I’m going to consciously and actively watch myself and try to turn my negative thoughts into positive ones. I wasn’t taught how to handle negative emotions and situations so I have to figure it out for myself.